3. A ‘Knee First’ Day

cropped-tuscany-sunrise1.jpgAdmittedly, my little adventure last night on the metro expanded to include looking at an apartment we are thinking of renting. Getting to it required two more sets of metro stairs, standing on the metro and climbing back down two flights of stairs plus walking an additional kilometer al tol.  This enlarged adventure came to a grinding halt when I started to walk from our last metro stop home. The tibia plateau on the lower leg began to shoot with pain and the thought that I was ruining my knee quickly got the better of me.  We took a Tuk Tuk, or a small motorized rickshaw the rest of the way home, and thankfully.  This morning, I paid the price by not being able to stand on my leg for any amount of time.  I cancelled a well-planned morning out looking at several apartments and settled on the couch for a day of serious rest. This means mindfully making decisions for the betterment of my knee, and not for my mind, others, and  “… house, home or hearth”.  Putting the knee first takes a certain kind of healthy selfishness and honesty, moving only if the knee allows me to or only if my bladder requires me to.  The illusion of ease putting the knee first is harder than I once thought, especially when feeling responsible for other matters in my life.  Given the trauma of working through a knee replacement and then a revised knee replacement finally settled in my mind that ‘knee first’ thinking is not only OK, but essential if the future is to be as orthopedically-free as one can be with joint replacements.

Exercises today

  • Anything that keeps me off my feet. Today that included organizing my photos online; answering some emails, (trying to) sign up for a grocery delivery service, watching some Netflix (online) and closing my eyes for awhile.
  • Practicing letting go of images and thoughts that leave me feeling older than I am, alone and permanently immobile.
  • Thanking those elements and people in my life that help me to feel hopeful and capable. Today, I am particularly appreciative of the working internet, my caring husband and my ever listening friend Jean. A big shout out goes to the real estate agent who readily and graciously agreed to postpone viewing the list of apartments she had arranged for us to visit today. I have something to look forward to and, given her lack of concern about the listings, allows me to feel patient for my own recovery from this hiccup.  We will soon get out there and on with settling in this city, thanks to her patience, that can also now be mine.

Author: amartinelbehri

Retired from working for large non-profits. I now write, take care of extended family, tutor English, and manage all aspects of living abroad while my husband works. I am recouperating from my 14th knee surgery and have some thoughts to share on many aspects of managing trauma, healing and starting over.

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